"Uzumaki" Vol. 1, 2, & 3 by Junji Ito

Vol. 1

Synopsis - (from goodreads.com)

KurÔzu-cho, a small fogbound town on the coast of Japan, is cursed. According to Shuichi Saito, the withdrawn boyfriend of teenager Kirie Goshima, their town is haunted not by a person or being but by a pattern: uzumaki, the spiral, the hypnotic secret shape of the world. It manifests itself in small ways: seashells, ferns, whirlpools in water, whirlwinds in air. And in large ways: the spiral marks on people's bodies, the insane obsessions of Shuichi's father, the voice from the cochlea in your inner ear. As the madness spreads, the inhabitants of KurÔzu-cho are pulled ever deeper, as if into a whirlpool from which there is no return.

Vol.2

Synopsis - (from goodreads.com)

KurÔzu-cho, a small fogbound town on the coast of Japan, is cursed. But the spirit which haunts it does not have a name or a body, only a shape: uzumaki the spiral, the hypnotic secret shape of the world. It possessed the father of teenage Kirie's withdrawn boyfriend Shuichi, causing him to remake himself in its image before he died. It grows in ferns, in seashells, in curls of hair, and in the crooked folds of the human brain. Giant snails are sighted near the high school. An eerie glow shines from the abandoned lighthouse. Mosquitoes fly in drowsy curves and feed on blood. As more people are caught in the pattern, over the town of KurÔzu-cho hangs the spiral smoke of cremated corpses; because even in death, there is no escape..

Vol.3

Synopsis - (from goodreads.com)

With their town devastated by titanic hurricanes, the citizens of the spiral-haunted town of Kurôzu-cho--including Shuichi, Kirie and her family--find themselves cut off from the outside world. Reporters and rescue teams cross the mountain range into Kurôzu-cho only to find themselves unable to leave. Trapped inside the cursed ruins, the desperate survivors struggle and huddle together, waiting to run into giant snails or worse. The very laws of nature are changed as the spiral sucks them in. And to fight it, or to escape, the last survivors must go to the heart of the horror to witness what may be their eventual fate..

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Rating - 4 out of 5

Genre - Sequential Art, Manga, Horror

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~Review for Uzumaki, Vol. 1, 2, & 3~

The only reason this book (series) was given 4 stars was because of the artwork. This series was suggested to me by some people on Tumblr. They said it was "really scary" and freaked them out. I asked if it was really scary or just little kid scary. I was promised a really, truly, scary, horror story. 

Once again I have been deceived and let down by what others perceive as "horror". 

This is in no way scary. It is a very interesting story, do not get me wrong. I liked the story, but the artwork outmatched the merry-go-round of stories. The artwork is beautiful!

I recommend this book to the youngsters out there who like Japanese horror stories.

"Trolley No. 1852" by Edward Lee

Synopsis - (from goodreads.com)

In 1934, horror writer H.P. Lovecraft is invited to write a story for a subversive underground magazine, all on the condition that a pseudonym will be used. The pay is lofty, and God knows, Lovecraft needs the money. There's just one catch. It has to be a pornographic story . . . All Aboard Trolley No. 1852 Through the midnight bowels of New York City, the trolley travels. Admitting only a special sort of passenger, and taking them to a very select destination . . . The 1852 Club is a bordello unlike any other. Its women are the most beautiful in the whole city and they will do anything. But there is something else going on at this sex club. In the back rooms monsters are performing vile acts on each other and doors to other dimensions are opening . . .

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Rating - 4 out of 5

Genre - Splatterpunk, Horror

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I love Edward Lee. He is one of my favorite authors. This book just continues with the grotesque and weird that I have come to adore from Lee. It takes you on a trippy journey that some may not be ready to venture. I loved each and every character in this book. Yes, I may be gushing a bit, so what. I, in some strange way, related to them all. I love characters that I can relate to in a bizarre way. 

If you are looking for a review with a rundown of what happened, I am not your chick to get reviews from. I simply give my opinions of the book and what I have read. That is why I post a synopsis on my blog!

I do recommend this book for Edward Lee fans. If you cannot handle gore and twisted imagination, this is a never-read.

"The Menstruating Mall" by Carlton Mellick III

Synopsis - (from goodreads.com)

Ten ridiculously stereotypical consumer victims (a yuppie, a housewife, a retiree, a jock, a bible thumper, a cowboy, a preppy, a gamer, a goth, and a white suburban gangsta) find themselves unable to leave the mall one day. There is nothing stopping them. The doors are unlocked. Other shoppers are able to come and go as they please. But for some inexplicable reason, these ten people cannot pry themselves away from their shopping miasma. The mall closes, and they won't leave. Days pass, and they're still there, eating meals in the food court and sleeping in department store bedroom displays. Then they begin to die off, one by one, murdered by a mysterious killer, and they still won't allow themselves to escape.

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Rating - 2 out of 5

Genre - Horror, Comedy (Sci-Fi)

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What did I think? That is a good question. I am not entirely sure how I feel about this book. I understand Mellick's prose, but this story just did not do it for me. As some reviews I have read compared it to the "Breakfast Club", well, yes it is true with a horror twist. I was pretty much bored with the story after a few pages. The ending simply made my eyes roll so far back I almost saw an alternate universe looming around. Suffice it to say I may or may not give Mellick another try. I did enjoy The Cannibals of Candyland. I shall see how I feel in a few months.

As for recommending this book to anyone, well, if you like The Breakfast Club and are willing to sit through a bunch of whiny people trying to figure out how to leave a mall, then read it. It bored me to tears and did not see much horror in it as I would have liked. I really hesitated to call it "horror" under the genre, but that is what they classify it as.

"Most Talkative: Stories from the Front Lines of Pop Culture" by Andy Cohen

Synopsis - (from goodreads.com)

The man behind the Real Housewives writes about his lifelong love affair with pop culture that brought him from the suburbs of St. Louis to his own television showFrom a young age, Andy Cohen knew one thing: He loved television. Not in the way that most kids do, but in an irrepressible, all-consuming, I-want-to-climb-inside-the-tube kind of way. And climb inside he did. Now presiding over Bravo's reality TV empire, he started out as an overly talkative pop culture obsessive, devoted to Charlie's Angels and All My Children and to his mother, who received daily letters from Andy at summer camp, usually reminding her to tape the soaps. In retrospect, it's hard to believe that everyone didn't know that Andy was gay; still, he remained in the closet until college. Finally out, he embarked on making a career out of his passion for television. The journey begins with Andy interviewing his all-time idol Susan Lucci for his college newspaper and ends with him in a job where he has a hand in creating today's celebrity icons. In the witty, no-holds-barred style of his show Watch What Happens Live, Andy tells tales of absurd mishaps during his ten years at CBS News, hilarious encounters with the heroes and heroines of his youth, and the real stories behind The Real Housewives. Dishy, funny, and full of heart, Most Talkative provides a one-of-a-kind glimpse into the world of television, from a fan who grew up watching the screen and is now inside it, both making shows and hosting his own.

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Rating - 5 out of 5

Genre - Biography

I do not give usual reviews spewing the content of the book I've just read. I do tell how I felt about the book and if I enjoyed it or not.

I would not have bought this book and I actually didn't. I received it for Mother's Day from my kids. I do watch some of the Housewives shows and other Bravo television shows. My husband was listening to Howard Stern and Andy just happened to be on that day promoting this book. My husband thought I would like it, so, I got it as a gift.

I enjoyed the book immensely! Andy has had a very interesting life leading up to his fame today. I loved reading about behind the scenes that I would not have known without having read this book.

Andy has come so far from that little town he grew up in. Thanks to him, those who like Andy and the Bravo shows, have something fun to watch.

I recommend this book to anyone who loves (even likes just a little) Andy Cohen and/or Bravo shows. Without Andy, we wouldn't have some of the good shows we see on Bravo today. Even if you dislike Andy, give it a read. You will find that you may respect him, on some level, even if you still dislike him or the shows.

"Brain Cheese Buffet" by Edward Lee

Synopsis – (from goodreads.com) 

You've seen Cannibal Holocaust. You've seen Salo. You've seen Nekromantik. You ain't seen shit Zombie prostitutes, religious rapists, horny werewolves, death by vomit, and sexual fetishes scraped off the sidewalk. From sex prisons to mafia torture chambers, hold on tight because you're about to enter the perverted and twisted mind of Edward Lee. Once you've seen what he has to show you - there's no coming back. Brain Cheese Buffet collects nine of Lee's most sought after tales of violence and body fluids. Featuring the Stoker nominated "Mr. Torso," the legendary gross-out piece "the Dritiphilist," the notorious "The McCrath Model SS40-C, Series S," and six more stories to test your gag reflex.

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Rating – 4 ½ out of 5

Genre – Horror, Splatterpunk

I do not do reviews to re-tell or summarize what I have just read. My reviews offer what I think about book and the story(ies) within them. If you are looking for a summary or complete re-tell, do not bother reading any further.

Let me just say I love Edward Lee. His twistedness suits my style so perfectly! He always leaves me saying, “Oh man, I could totally envision that in my head clear as day.” Yes, I may be considered a sicko for that ability, but who cares. His books are fun! The stories he colors for me in my mind allow me to get away from everyday horrors such as politics and incessant babble from idiots living with and around me on Earth. 

Brain Cheese Buffet is a nice little collection of stories. They are all typical Edward Lee and I loved every grotesque moment within.

~Mr. Torso~

Hillbilly-speak tends to get boring to read after awhile, but it still remains fun in that the disgusting nature of the story is still in the forefront.

Lud (a.k.a Mr. Torso) is completely disgusting. The things he does to these women are utterly unbelievable. I asked myself several times through this particular story how exactly one would even conceive of pulling off some of the things done. Edward Lee’s vivid descriptions encapsulate your imagination with very specific details. At one point I caught myself saying out loud, “AAAghhhh!! What the…..” Incorporating a religious aspect to the story was also done with zany wickedness.

Ahh Lee, so far, you’ve yet to disappoint me!

~Mrs. Torso~

Let’s do some math here boys and girls. Mafia plus torture plus a hooker-junkie with no arms or legs named Spooky plus Wet-Naps equals what the f*^&ery!

How can anyone pass up a chance to read about the mafia doing illegal stuff? This is way beyond any mafia behind-the-scenes you have experienced on television or the movies. It truly is no-holds-barred with this freaky hooker-junkie. For those wondering, no she doesn’t simply lay there and get got by these mafia-men. She has quite the mouth on her and boy oh boy it sure does get her in trouble. The vile things they do to her are pretty sickening, but this is an Edward Lee book after all!! The ending leaves a quirky smirk on my face. All I will say is, if you are going to do something, make sure you do it right the first time.

This is another goodie.

~Grub Girl in the Prison of Dead Women~

I must say immediately that I am not a zombie type of person. Zombies bore me to death and the only two zombie movies I enjoy are the original “Night of the Living Dead” and “Zombieland”. (I have a soft-spot for Woody Harrelson.) I do not purposely read zombie books either.

As you have guessed, this little story is about zombies. The only thing that captured my attention was the variation Lee used for the zombies (grubs as they are called in the story). He went into detail about the exact food they can eat and what would happen if they ate anything other than raw food. In my mind, the story was plausible if a zombie apocalypse did really happen. It was refreshing from the usual, “brains!!” stereotype.

He also went into detail about sex and the detention center they get sent to if they get out of line. They were basically like humans, but dead and free of disease. It was the detention center that drew me in further. The things that occurred there were unsavory to say the least. Once inside there is, as usual, some douche bag, who is big and bad. The one guy who thinks he is high and almighty. He was almighty alright…almighty sorry.

This was a fun read despite it being about zombies.

~The Dritiphilist~

This story made me look away quite a few times in absolute disgust. I found myself saying, “Ackk!! Ugh!!! Oh God!” out loud. I do not get grossed out easily, but this story was pretty awful. The story was great, but the content was simply disturbing.

Fetishes are something of the norm these days. No, most of them are still hidden from public view, but everyone knows they exist somewhere in the dark corner of people’s imaginations (or in some cases secret rooms in their homes). If you dare read this story, you will be invited into one man’s fetish. Just thinking about it makes me throw up in my mouth a little. At least his therapist could appreciate that.

I liked this story simply for the gross-out factor. It was completely and utterly grotesque. I hope no one I know has this fetish because I might have to rethink our friendship. I just couldn’t sit and look at them the same ever again.

You noticed how I haven’t said what the fetish is? That is because I would love to surprise you with how disgusting it is. Sometimes not knowing before you read makes it an even better read. I had no idea before reading it and I am glad. It made for such a more hardcore experience sitting on my bed reading.

Keep the grotesque coming Lee. You haven’t disgusted me enough….yet!

~The Mother~

What if you found discarded sludge in the lake behind your house? I think I would sell my house and move elsewhere. It would be the right thing to do. I also wouldn’t allow anyone I knew near it.

Nightmares of this sludge contaminating a family could cause anyone to go insane. Did the dad really just see what he saw or was it a nightmare? Who’s to say! Either way it is completely gross.

What if you have children who get into the sludge? There is just no good way to explain to a child that some people are dumbasses and like to litter. Sometimes the litter they leave behind is not good for people to be around. Nightmares would be a nightly occurrence.

What if the nightmares weren’t bedtime nightmares at all, but a real life nightmare happening to your family? Could you handle it? Would you fight it?

I asked a lot of questions for my review. There is just no good way to review this story without giving important details away. It would ruin the fun at the end! I don’t want to ruin the fun for you!

This story isn’t as gross as other Edward Lee stories, but it is pretty interesting to see where it is heading.

~The Wrong Guy~

This story was great. It wasn’t incredibly gross, but revenge is awesome! There is nothing like a good revenge story. I really do not care who it is against and someone somewhere is wishing/planning theirs. If you read this story, you get to see what happens when the act of revenge is played out in spectacular detail. Yes, it gets a bit goofy here and there, but hey, we need a little goofy with our grotesque sometimes.

This was fun to read and I didn’t feel too dirty at the end!

~The Baby~

If you have kids and/or are sensitive, please do not read this story. You will be completely ruined for life and probably a little pissed off. I generally do not read gory stories with little kids in them because I am sensitive to them. When I started this story I didn’t know something foul would involve a baby to the extent it did. I got through it though.

This story made me gag a little too. Not because of the story itself, but because of some of the imagery Lee describes. There are just some things that I do not need to picture. I am absolutely sure you will feel the same. I wish I had some eye bleach to unsee what I read in certain points. I guess if I did that, the story would not make sense!

The story overall was decent. I loved the ending with my entire blackened heart!

~The McCrath Model SS40-C, Series S~

I read, “She’ll have to eat it….otherwise she’ll drown.” Oh mafia guys, how I love thee. How many other ways can you find to torture people? Lee found another way and it is completely disturbing. I think if I were to torture someone I would totally use the McCrath Model SS40-C, Series S. What a handy tool! This planet would be a lot less polluted with BS with it in my hands.

This is a fabulously wicked story with a nice ending. Now, don’t think Lee’s books have nice endings (as in oh what a happy ending that was), but it does have a spectacular case of revenge at the end. It left me cheering for the mafia boss.

I definitely recommend this story to those with twisted minds.

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Brain Cheese Buffet is a great book of short stories by Edward Lee. If you are looking for a variety of stories that are quick to read, this is the book for you. If you are not into the grotesquely disturbing, this is a never-read. Edward Lee doesn’t paint rainbows and unicorns imagery in his books. Although, if he did, there would be some sort of torture porn incorporating the unicorn’s horn into some hooker’s hoo-haa and out her mouth. Ouch!